pee on me!!!!

it's cruel when you're paid ha'penny to toil over appliances and vases for the middleclass. it's crueler when bitchy, righteous mothers tell you their kids gonna pee on the floor cuz the restroom ain't fer publick use. yeah, that'll show me- traumatize yer kid for life. people can be so ridiculous and vengeful.

i remember when i first peed my pants. damn, it sucked. so there i was - rockin the first week of kindergarten like a sweet tot. chillin in my kangaroos, learning like an animal! i was a bit shy, and afraid of authority. it was almost the end of the day and i really, really had to pee. i wanted to wait til class was over cuz i thought it was bad to interrupt whatever mrs. cole was doing to tell her of my need to relieve myself. well... i finally gave up, and ran outta the classroom - likely holding my cooch, doubled over.

i ran into the bathroom, but before i could pull my hand-me-down jeans (my brother's) round me ankles, trickle trickle flow went the warm urine down my legs- soaking my pants.

i was horrified! i don't know if the worst part was a) post-peeing on self i realized i was in the boys room- the urinals tipped me off, b) i had to go back to class in my wet denim for the last few minutes of class, and face frank gesualdi- my 1st crush, or c) the cold, wet walk home past the bad ass, bad neighborhood junior high and all its students on the grounds after school.

so, please, lady- don't have yer kid pee at the cock n brothel on principle- take her to the starbux acroos the street. it'll make her life less damaging.

mail, male, maul

fekk it 'tall i say! just when i thought those sniveling lil karma shites were done fekkin w/ me- they come back for round 9. ding ding ding. i would love to quit school and pursue my dreams as a PE teacher- but really- can one bag three goddamned years of school to shoot guns in a tutu?

other than general displeasure with the world- i got nothin but fukked up dreams about wankers and pregnant chicks who will have cancerous babies b/c they were sprayed w/ flame retardant materials for convenience of not getting set aflame. wtf?
this sassy flame retardant lassie in my dream was db's wife. geez! talk about weird. the worst part? i made my debut in clothes unfit to wear while painting a house with blind people. one should never look that unhot. especially while fighting w/ one's ex...even if it is a dream.

btw: no longer want bangs. am over it. love my hair.

and a lil sumpin sumpin fom the ny times today:

"It's something wonderful to get a letter. The paper, the stamp, the envelope. It is not just a piece of paper. It is something sacred. "
IBRAHIM ISMAIL ZAIDEN, a postman in Baghdad, Iraq.

Ibrahim, i agree!!!!

i sue you, you RE whore!!!

RE: Demand for Relief Pursuant to M.G.L. c. 93A on Behalf of
pretty pretty princess

Dear Dickweed:

This firm has been retained by pretty pretty princess (“princess”) with regard to the misrepresentations made by you in connection with the sale of the treehouse (the “Property”). This letter is a formal demand, pursuant to M.G.L. c. 93A, that you immediately remit to princess $10,762.50 to cover her assessed share of the substantial envelope repair project at the treehouse.

As you know, princess purchased the Property from you on June 14, 2005. The original language contained in the purchase and sale agreement read: “and the seller has no notice or actual knowledge of any pending improvements, repairs or replacements or plans therefore which would be likely to result in a supplemental assessment or significant increase in the monthly common expense for the unit.” Prior to signing the purchase and sale agreement, you informed princess that the windows for all units would be replaced and that the cost would be paid by all unit owners. In light of this disclosure, your lawyer suggested removing that clause from the purchase and sale agreement. Your attorney also suggested the addition of paragraph 14 of the rider, which reads: “buyer agrees that buyer shall be responsible for any assessment if said assessment is promulgated by the Condominium after the date of closing.” The plain implication for these changes to the purchase and sale agreement was that the replacement of the windows was the only issue of which you were aware.

Nevertheless, at the time you and princess signed the purchase and sale agreement, you were also aware that a substantial building envelope repair project was also scheduled to occur before or concurrently with the window replacement. In fact, nearly seven months prior to closing on the sale of the Property with princess, you received a letter (attached hereto) from bigcondohomies to all owners dated November 29, 2004, which specifically informed owners that a “significant undertaking” to repair the building envelope would occur prior to or concurrently with the window replacement. During the course of your negotiations with princess, you withheld this information from princess despite your awareness of its imminence, large scope, substantial cost and despite your implicit representation that nothing like that would occur.

You fraudulently obtained princess's consent to pay for special assessments by withholding information concerning the significant envelope repair project, of which you were well aware. The undisclosed envelope repair project requires a special assessment of $10,762.50 above and beyond the window replacement, with payments to begin February 1, 2006. Had this additional project been disclosed to princess during the negotiation process she would not have consented to the suggested changes to the purchase and sale agreement, the suggested addition to the rider, nor would she have purchased the unit without an agreement to cover this additional cost.

In light of the foregoing, I now formally demand that you remit to princess $10,762.50 to cover her assessed share of the substantial envelope repair project at the treehouse. If this demand is not met, then princess intends to take legal action. Further, such action not only will involve allegations of misrepresentation, but also will include a claim for deceptive and unfair business practices in violation of M.G.L. c. 93A. Indeed, the Chapter 93A claim has a very high likelihood of success under the relevant case law. See, e.g., Cambridge Plating co., Inc. v. NAPCO, Inc., 876 F.Supp. 326, 336 (D.Mass.1995) (fraud and negligent misrepresentation constitute violations of Chapter 93A). See also 940 C.M.R. 3.16 (Attorney General’s regulations), stating that:

[A]n act or practice is a violation of M.G.L. c. 93A, §2 if ... [a]ny person or other legal entity subject to this act fails to disclose to a buyer or prospective buyer any fact, the disclosure of which may have influenced the buyer or prospective buyer not to enter into the transaction ....

Further, because the unfair acts and practices in this case plainly were undertaken knowingly and willfully, you will be liable to princess in an amount equal to at least twice her damages related to the envelope repair project and possibly three times that amount, as well as being liable for princess'scosts and attorneys’ fees. See M.G.L. c. 93A, §9. Thus, do not make the mistake of thinking that princess will view this case as one in which she should substantially discount her expected recovery to offset the anticipated legal fees.

Notwithstanding princess's plain ability to prevail in a lawsuit and obtain a judgment against you that could exceed $100,000 after all of the damages and fees are calculated, my client still is willing to settle this matter without resorting to litigation if she immediately is paid the $10,762.50 to cover her assessed share of the envelope repair project. Moreover, such a settlement would be in your best interest because it will (i) eliminate the likelihood of a much larger judgment being entered against you by a Court of law; and (ii) avoid the need for you to spend money on an attorney or attorneys of your own. Accordingly, I hope you will accede to this demand and agree to remit to princess $10,762.50 to cover her assessed share of the envelope repair project.

No matter what your response to this letter, please direct it to me and do not attempt to contact princess directly. Finally, please be advised that if this matter is not settled within 30 days (the time allotted for a response under Chapter 93A), I will assume that it cannot be resolved without resort to litigation.


Sincerely,



niceybigbadlawyer

cc: princess

WWJD

what would jeezus do?

i am starting to ask myself this as i realize that i must have offended the higher forces and someone is trying to give me a sign.
is the higher force sappy letter writer (note: letter removed), db (like a bad test)? i ask b/c shite hit the fan round the time both these ppl were forcibly removed from my life. hmmm... i doubt it but you never know.

should i pull an earl (dude w/ tv show) and try to fix karma by un-doing my evils?

should i turn to religion? meditation? whisky?

i met a woman @ the bus stop the other day who informed me that jesus loved me. then why is he torturing me?

is this just being a grown-up? will everything go wrong inherently?

am i cursed? maybe i really am mao ze deng reincarnated.

to add to my list of ppl i am ready to beat w/ an iron pipe- my dissertation chair- for steering me down a road of quicksand, alligators, and drag prostitutes.

i will begin making lists of happy shit tomorrow. maybe positivity will turn this frown into a fist.

oi vey boys, yer killin me

when you wake up w/ a scratch on your face that gets you asked by yer boss if you engaged in a knife fight w/ a puerto rican, but you don't recall how you won this badge of war...it's gonna be an interesting day.

after duking it out over my immense love for tabby and refraining from the instinctual fist o' cuffs- i also earned the equivalent of heart burn. as if it wasn't bad enough to feel crappy but to also have a hard time explaining why i love kitty-- in rational, non-crazy-cat-girl terms, i came to start my day w/ an email from a sad lad which was depressing on some level, but also too fekkin funny not to share w/ my nerd blog world. i've bleeped out the names to keep it anonymous- as i'm sure karma will eat me for brekky as it is for sharing someone's sincere thoughts. i am a BAD person. feel free to send me your love/hate notes for posting. make me feel better about being an asshole.

LETTER REMOVED DUE TO BAD KARMA


oh dear. vomit bag please. but wait. thank goodness for one of my bestest buddies ever who retorts:

"I wandered lonely as a cloud,
That silly stuff I think, I should never say aloud...
Woe is me for getting dumped
If I got her back I would be pumped
Alas alack 'tis not to be
She loves her cat, but why oh why not me?"


hoorah, my lil mickey. i love YOUR poem!!!!

i'll need therapy fer sure now, mom

my face is weather-beaten. all those dry spots. even lubriderm can't help me now.

went to ny last w/e to party w/ the fam and i had me a hell of a time making everyone pose w/ my cat toy- charleston the mouse, getting my grounds read from my turkish coffee, playing the keyboard like ross on friends, only w/ rollers in my hair, and hula-hooping. i realized that there's something about visiting the fam that causes both moi and my brother to EAT compulsively. is it stress? comfort? damn good food? analyze that, bitches.

my ESL stepfather told my mom, as he read her coffee grounds, that "someone @ work will get on her face". well, i don't think he meant straddle and mount. i think it should've been "get in". but it was pretty fukkin funny to hear @ the dinner table in a restaurant.

the only worse visual was when my mom said " do my grinds say i'm going to have sex tonight?" ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, visuals, ewww. must we go there? i saw my stepfather naked once by accident, when i was 11 or so, and i thought i'd vomit and follow morrissey's footsteps for sure. we're lucky i can function on basic levels after that. jeezus.

my older brother boldly (and accurately) stated that me blog has been "less groundbreaking"! is that a dare? cap a cap, o'brother, just wait and see what trouble i'll get into just to be rebellious.

gosh, i need to start drinking heavily and hitchhiking again, cuz really folks- i got nuttin.

but i am working on revamping my life and declaring adulthood.

and i did manage to dodge immoral acts w/ married ppl- though it would've made a much better story if i hadn't (dodged, that is).

what have i done lord?

you may ask... what the efff have i done to deserve all of the crap dumped on me these past few months? did i take mary's virginity? i mean, really, lord, what have i done?????

just when yer like, "oh phew, the nicey man fixed my fridge"- it's like BAM!!! more shite hits the fan. i've had just about enough from all of you and i'm gonna go grey sooner than my crow's feet can keep up. lordy lord.

good thing it's kitty's birthday and her pressies are awaiting her, wrapped in kitty paper. she's already gnawed through one (the nip). i love those fangs.

i would love to dig my fangs into your earlobs (only if they're clean) and squeeze the fleshy bits between your thumb and pointer finger. then again, you may lose a nipple hangin out w/ me.

what hasn't made me hide in the bottom of the whisky bottle has only made me stronger.

i'm off to ny to celebrate the sweet 16 of my smashing brother. i like to think he's innocent and pure-like i was when i turned 16. seriously- i didn't have any interest in boys other than kirk cameron as a youngin. after that birthday it was all down hill. i blame it on bob #1- who's balls shall hang from my ficus tree if we ever meet again. i doubt his sorry, slimy ass has made it out of ny. maybe a reunion will occur. come hither ye unich. i will eat they for breakfast, bitch.

on a nicier note:
happy Tabby birthday!!!!!