dreamcreep

so, after a stellar bike ride w/ 3 sassy lassies, i indulged in fine wines and fabulous foods, fell asleep post-prandial (as i'm prone to do, partypants that i am) and proceeded to dream some of the weirdest scenarios i've schemed in some time.

i'm dreamt that all of my friends were hugs fans of the 98.5 light fm and listened to nothing else. i found this disturbing b/c they're pretty hip cats, and we ain't THAT old.

i also dreamt that i had a gross growth on my neck that would grow tubular-ly, break off, grow again. i was like a potato w/ a spud. i was completelt fukkin skeeved!!!! but no one else thought it was all that weird. this made me feel ikky inside.

on a different note: did anyone else feel like last friday (the 29th) felt like friday the 13th? everything was totally fekked. moreso than 99% of the time. bizarro.

i have NO committments today. i love it!!!! happy spring fukkers!!

if i'd gone to yuppie school...

i think i'm finally (temporarily) over granola/yogurt/berries for breakfasy. this phenomenon began in Medina Sidonia (Andalucia), Spain on my dreamy holiday last july. i miss you, Spain!!!

crew and the comradery has given me a sense of college that i never had. the team work, ass-slapping and group showers in one big tiled room make me feel part of a larger entity. i love it!! while we may have had the saliva trail (many make outs) @ hampshire, we rarely showered together. and lord knows we never ever partook in sports. that might scare the sheep!

it's like i get to re-do parts of college. i get to row on a team, take PE classes, and have a r=team jacket. damn, i love this. what would've happened if i'd gone to swarthmore and played lacrosse? doodoodoodoodoodoodoodoo (that's my flashback music when the picture on the tv gets wavey and suddenly we're in white baseball caps in saratoga springs and it's 1994).

i woul've been that girl..frat girl. ew.

the buck stops here

just where should i be stopped? i've recently started shopping again. i was in remission for months, 7 long mths. then slowly, the itch developed. blender/food processor, cowboy boots, what next?

i dream of, and stalk, bikinis, dresses, tennis skirts, and pointy shoes (now you know the delirium has set in). i ogle the furnishings @ the brothel wondering if they should be mine. i actively "pop" into stores in hopes of a deal.

i am sickboy, but a girl.


i have also taken advantage of my "sources" to learn sad things about bad ppl. if you don't know my sources, don't ask, you'll nyet look @ me the same again. i am a spy, a sleuthe, a ninja. i have my ways. but where does this bucking buckaroo call it quits? i need to keep it in check, but i'll tell you that a certain evil someone id getting evicted, and torturing young, dumb girls along the way. weird. unnerving. glad i'm not the girl.

and to take the edge off, a picture of Huxley.

i skool ya

things i learned today

#1 reason for being fit:
so the basketball coach who subs for your tennis coach pays you extra attention

#2 reason for being fit:
so you can take basketball lessons in the fall.

#1 reason for making your husband wear a wedding band:
so the hussy in his tennis class doesn't ask him out

#1 reason for working in academia:
the PE classes

blud presha

so apparently i have high blood pressure. isn't that retarded? my dr said it was unusual b/c i'm fit and i'm pretty fekkin active. go figure. my mom did some sleithing and realized i ingest about 4x the recommended daily allowance of sodium per day. oi. that'll do sumpin to ya.

i also got my faux menses again. is this b/c i brag about not having it?

so, today's theme is blood. i was going to sell some, but that might have to wait til next week. M, you in?

Huxley

i love this lil guy!

yesterday, after eating my donated celery hearts, he snuck into my office through my modestly-opened window. he took me by surprise but i managed to reason w/ him and he eventually left.

i think he's the fleas' knees!

Monopause

for those of you who haven't heard enough of my new diseasel: it's monopause- mono (mononucleosis) meets menopause. so yer constantly tired and drained, sleep alot and you also have hot/cold flashes and a lack of menstrual cycle. unfortunately, today my monopause also has allergies- so i'm quite confused.

fear not boys, men can have monopause too. you're 1/4 ways there just by not havin the menses. rockin! i'm all clinical an sheeet.

let me tell you that i feel asleep by 8:30 both fri and sat nt. that's monopause.

i know, yer thinking of a monoped that stops briefly before taking the next hop. this is also monopause, but different.

i'm doggysitting tonight. hopefully doggy won't aggravate my momopause's allergies further. i'm actually skippin out class early to doggy sit. where are my priorities, young lady?

condo(m) world

i kid you not when i quote the minutes from the condo meetings:

"A request was made to allow the ivy in the atrium planters to grow longer"

wow. well done guys. you're decision makers.

my ass hurts from rowing. ahh but the pain is sweet.

overheard in the halls of nerdville

"i'm more of a dynamics girl than a fluids girl"

we twist our own fate

so, i perpetually leave my rings @ the boathouse (hurts the blisters if you row w/ em on).

and if a boy (or friend) of unestablished or rocky significance had given me these rings, i'd think it was either a sign, or a subconscious act. it would make me re-examine the relationship @ some level.

but, no. i bought these rings. they have no attachment to a person other than me ma (i got her the same rings - each ring @ a different time). and i certainly have nyet problem w/ moi mama.

so, i propose we, @ least me, are a bit cookoo about signs and fate and reading coffee grinds (turkish coffee @ least- my stepfather does that).

speaking of coffee, last time i was in ny, my grounds said that i had some big love coming my way. and that well meaning ppl were up in my bidniz. get out my bidniz, biatch (kidding).

however, when my mom asked to have her grounds read (before i'd even drank my coffee) my stepfather said he was too tired (to read grounds? confounding, really). and then proceeded to read mine.

the time before when he read grounds, he said someone @ work was "on" my mom's face. i think the language barrier got him there. i thought it was a creepy but hilarious visual.

research finds males to be shite emailers

Surveys show that males are really fekkin bad @ replying to email. don't you know we ladies need correspondence? especially us desk bound bitches? really, boys. type us out a line or two. mates, buddies, brothers alike- unfulfilling emailers. you're breaking my heart here. (for the results and raw data regarding this study, please check my in and out boxes and then do the fekkin math yerself)

i've been questioning the point of human contact lately. this may not be good. i find my netflix and kitty v fulfilling, however. don't worry. i still like a few of you. :P

nina simone sings to me. she sings for me, really. i love her.

the new beer

sleep is the new beer.
my bed is the new bar.
i don't mean it like that, ewww.
i mean, god i love sleep! and i want to do it all the time. and i want to be in my bed all the time.
snore snore snooz.
i love you 12 hrs nts of sleep.
i love you naptime.
i care for nothing but you right now.

so, like pink is the new black-
sleep is the new beer.

hey, is it ok to buy myself cowboy boots if they're on sale even though i'm po? what if i don't dine out anymore? hell, i'd give up public libations for a few weeks for these boots.

whatcha thinkin', lincoln?

my brain soaks idly in a glass of gin

i was so proud of myself-tossing back drink after drink like a pro...til my alarm went off @ 5 a.m. for crew. i was still intoxicated, a lil confused, and not even remotely hungry (unheard of for me, as we well know).

i cruised blindly on my bike to the boathouse, where chattypants, an annoying but well meaning novice rower, proceeded to tweeze out the veins in my forehead by painfully sharing her NPS (no point stories). oi. i wanted to throw her in the the muddy charles, to gag her and watch her sink, to punch her animated face repeatedly w/ my mitts.

now i'm a morning girl myself, and it is my fault for being nice to her once, but she follows me around like tabby when i've got a can opener in my hand. make it stop, lord!

post-row i went to meet my new dr. she's great, but wasn't psyched about my drinking, lack of regular sleep, and stress levels. apparently my blood pressure is up there. they took a bunch of blood to ensure i don't have the creepy things that caused my father to stop drop and roll into a stroke 15 yrs ago.

and i sit here, w/ my vein twitching occasionally (from alcohol consumption or blood giving, we know not) thinking about how gross it is that i sell my white blood cells for $. blood in, blood out, blood in, blood out. for 9 innings. gross. i may be over that phase of $ making.

and i'm tote over egg donation.

i need to go sleep under a tree, or on the floor of the bathroom, or somewhere cozy like that.

insults and dead bolts

never in my history of unproductive meetings have i left feeling so good about things. amazing what one person can do.

i went to the library @ lunch to get a dissertation i'd ordered- but it was in microfiche. and i refuse to use such a cumbersome and archaic form of data preservation.

i couldn't perform any successful searches on the indices and data bases either.

i then went to meet w/ my dissertation chair who has a way of making bad news seem pleasant and no news seem like good news. you can just imagine what good news sound like! oh baby. so i left knowing nothing more than when i came. and w/ a potential meeting for next week. no other game plan.

and yet i somehow felt like the sun was shining down on me and the world was mine, as dr evil says.

on a different note, i've written a greeting card. the cover reads,

"You're someone special"

and the inside reads

"just not to me"


hah!!!! I LOVE IT.

and yes, i love me,
mwah

paxil and nyquil

with 10!!! hours of sleep under my belt, i could still use a nap. i fell asleep @ 7 p.m. last nt, stone-cold sober, and awoke @ 5 in time to row. do i have fucking mono? i mean, really, people. no school work is getting done. tis a travesty, really.

good ting i go to the dr tomorrow- maybe she can tell me if i have african sleeping sickness (something the quarter back of my high school had- he was named Lolo. isn't that awesome. big tough black dude named lolo. it shoulda been love, man!)

all that sleeping makes a girl hungry too. damn, i really am a teenage boy. it's all about sports, eating, and sleeping. god i love myself.

on the other hand, i don't love the general population. they, haps you, continue to annoy me- w/ your ridiculous ways and your lack of sidewalk rules, your secret joy about other ppl's failures, and your inability to secure a thought. nauseating really. more insulting to the simplistic lives some of us lead are the cruel judgements made by others, who aren't any better than anyone else- but must've believed their mothers when told they were special. you are not special. you are just like everyone else. as the new dean so eloquently stated, "we all put our pants on one leg at a time". and if you hop into yours instead- well, you're just trying to be different- which is creepy and getting old.

so, shut the fuck up. have a thought. write it down. do somethintg nice for others today, and for christsake- walk on the right side of the sidewalk!

faking it

simplifying one's life can oft be really complex. whether it's getting a palm pilot, clarifying a relation, or hiring a maid- a lot of effort and initiative is involved. tis taxing.

almost as taxing as feeling like you're faking it through life. know what i mean? i sit in class, feeling like someone's gonna blow my cover and say, "she doesn't belong here". i feel like i'm faking my participation in lots of stuff like that: making home owning and repair decisions, jobs, meetings, social activities w/ acquaintences, etc.
very few things feel real, feel right.
good friends feel right, rowing feels right fekkin on.

the box of wheat thins in my belly feels less right. slightly ikky, even.

yours in scandal and zeal
bjd amerikana

me love fun long time

being in the midst of the wedding and happy love long time bliss of my friends makes me

a) jump @ the thought of multiple new backless halter dresses for the occassions
b) feel even more confounded by adulthood
c) cause me to begin dreaming up my own wedding
d) all of the above

so, i never thought of flowers, floor length dresses and banquet halls as a child. not sure why. digging deep into my memories of growing up, i remember being terrified that i would never be able to get married b/c my fam was po', and it's always the bride's family that pays for the shindig. so, like a greek girl w/o a goat- i must've instilled some kind of independent streak in my self for fear of being sans dowry. anyhow, never too late to spit in the face of tradition and plan my very own to-do.

here's what i have so far:

dress: from j crew, obviously
decorations: ice sculpture entitled "tabby in motion". obviously
wedding drink: whiskey. obviously
this is my master plan for happy sun nicey wedding fun time.

please look for an invitation sometime in the next 8 years (before things begin to sag and such).

disclaimer: this is not a mockery of true love wedding fun time.

the acid lingers still...

as i attempt to write my people before i take off for a w/e adventure where you'll be left to fend for your literary selves w/o me, i manage to spill hot, black coffee on my unclothed lap. ouch.

and i had to eat a veg burger for breakfast cuz ole bridget doesn't have any fukkin food in the flat. oi.

i have random thoughts to ponder so bear w/ me...

1) why do i suffer from drinking more than i used to? i'm noit even tirty yet. argh!

2) why do i spend the majority of my time pondering my dysfunctional relations, and equally- dumb things strangers do, when i could've cured bird flu by now if i'd only properly harnessed this energy?

3) why are my dear friends in cannes w/o me, when i'm clearly the light of their domestic life? (cruel, guys, cruel)

4) why did i have a weird dream about a) a focus group and messy meaty bits under my chair b) my granny needing a heating pad and a bicycle and c) my friend (U, doll, this was clearly you) getting pissed at my inability to organize my bicycle, heating pad, and other items effectively while she took me to visit my whippersnapper granny?

5) do men/boys get physically taken advantage of in power-skewed relations like women/girls do? i started thinking about this b/c a friend of mine is having encounters w/ a boy nearly 1/3 her age. will he look back and be psyched? feel abused? need therapy?

there are many many occasions in my life (most of them btwn ages 15-20) when i did stuff that i wasn't keen on doing w/ guys, and while it wasn't so clear cut as to what was going on then...i now feel like these occurrences haunt me and make me intimacy-challenged in some ways and make me afraid to have daughters, and make me distrust "growing up", and so, in this sick trip down memory lane that i try to suppress 99% of the time i wondered a) do other ppl have experiences like these and none of us talk about em? and b) how bout guys? are they victims as well?

so, thanks for reading...if you've made it this far. and thanks for the therapist- if you've made me an appointment.

mwah
bridget jones americana